5/16/2017

I thought my life was too easy and felt guilty for it. How shallow was I? Not appreciating all that I had... not realizing that wasn't an easy life, but a blessed life.

If I knew, making something for myself meant losing so much and hurting so much, I wouldn't have done it. Regretting so many things tonight.

Which path to pick?

To go or not to go
Leave the soul, a little piece of it
Enter the garden of eden,
The fruits aren't forbidden anymore,...
The enigmatic rivers launder the brain
It's only a little soul after all.

Keep your soul, the whole of it,
Enter the unpaved path,
Be wary of lizards or butterflies
Monsters or angels, tulips or titan arums.
The soul is intact, may be.
Garden of Edens is the plethora of gaiety
and the unmapped pavement to mystery is alluring!!!

Way to my heart

It's the well to hell, It's nearby, that I know

I'm blindfolded, but I know it's close

I can take not to walk, Stay still, not move

The gaping hole, resting now,

 to haul me down and down and down 

I walk and I walk, step by step

Into the sadistic dip longing to 

Torment me and scourge me in hell

Why can't I stop, rip this veil off?

Yell or voice my agony? 

My hands are trussed and bruised

Sweating blood with every little step

Where are the confidantes

Too far to hear my cry 

I walk and I walk, step by step

It's almost here, any moment now

I smell the potion, blend of my blood, sweat and fear. 

They may make me gulp it, if I scream too loud.

Why not just stop now,stay here

Safe from torture, away from fear

I try to halt, again and again

My legs defiant, unruly, wouldn't let me stop,

 I walk and I walk, step by step,

 I'm there and I sure know why 

That hell is where my heart is

The heart is what my soul seeks.

The Wanting

I cross my thighs, hold 'em tight
Wait for the kiss, yearn for a touch 
Destitute and wanting I feel
Not to be wanted, not to be craved, 
not just once, but twice and more
Shh! They say
Not the way a righteous wife should speak
Not the way a virtuous woman should act
But I stay muddled
Do I procure Cleopatra's prowess to
hold my love or Kamala Das's valor 
to shred my cult? 

Save my love, spare my soul

Grueling is to guard this bond 
Warmth is the gadget to hoard
Prudence is the smiles, the hushed tears, the cosmos
and the cogent pretense
They call some things love, for me it is a spur,
burning bliss between my breasts, my quick beating heart 
and my frail round knees.
Ah! I fear failing to recall it and I might,
And yet I go on, the phase is to pass
And I am to know it, all over again.
Taxing is it to content this soul. 

Mistress of Life

I gulp this bitter melon, stoic and still,
hopeful, the vitamins will kick in,
besides the magnesuim, fiber and zinc.
B'cos the last time I savoured chocolate
all it left me was a toothache!

My midsummer night's dream

Do dreams really mean something?
I hope it doesn't.
My dreams the last couple of times.
They weren't scary.They were pleasant.
Just not something I must dream about.
Leaves me with nothing but guilt.

Do dreams really mean something?
I hope it doesn't.
They say "an idle mind is devil's worshop"
and I say "they are so right", But is it the devil,
or my crying heart?
My dreams weren't scary, weren't mighty,
what they were, are vivid.

Do dreams really mean something?
I hope it doesn't.
It isn't something i must dream about.
A past that has left me.
I thought I was far ahead,
But guess not far enough,

Do dreams really mean something?
I hope it doesn't
Tales of past that abandoned me,
From which I sped, as slow as I could
But then, I was not fast enough.
The rusted memories do haunt me, sometimes.
I am so far and I cant see them anymore,
I have questions, umpteen of them,
why all these imprints, too embedded to erase
Y not just leave me with all the pain I sure can bear,